The Trust Dilemma

Why compliance isn't culture

There’s a moment I often witness in schools that tells me everything about a culture. A leader asks for feedback, and the room goes silent. People nod, and nothing is said. But later, over coffee or in closed-door sessions, the truth emerges:

“What’s the point?”

“They say they want honesty, but it always comes back to bite you.”

“You’re either onboard or you’re a problem.”

What’s missing here isn’t communication—it’s trust. And the most dangerous part is that from the outside, it all looks fine.

The illusion of calm

Trust issues don’t always announce themselves loudly. In fact, the more severe they are, the quieter things get:

• Meetings are efficient—but hollow
• Surveys are positive—but vague
• Teachers “agree” with everything—but momentum is gone

This is the dynamic I described in The Emotional Tsunami: how leaders end up absorbing the emotional undercurrent no one else is acknowledging—until it crashes.

In this article, I want to explore what I call The Trust Dilemma. This is the paradox of trying to build culture with systems that were designed for control. We'll also touch on the leadership shifts required to rebuild trust, without slipping into performative positivity or top-down micromanagement.

Truth 1: Control creates compliance, but kills ownership

One school leadership team I consulted with had every system you’d expect:

• Data walls
• Learning walkthroughs
• Structured performance conversations

Their processes were tight, but morale was crumbling. When I spoke to staff, the comments were consistent:

“We’re not involved in the decisions that affect us.”

“They tell us the what—but never ask us about the how.”

“Feedback is something you give to stay safe, not to be heard.”

The leaders weren’t unkind; they were thoughtful and strategic. But their system—designed to keep things “on track”—was eroding voice. Control gets you short-term compliance, but it kills long-term ownership.

The more severe trust issues are, the quieter things get.

Leadership isn’t about removing ambiguity. It’s about helping people feel part of something, not simply accountable to it. As Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee (2013) note, emotionally intelligent leadership requires shared emotional investment—not just procedural clarity. And as I explored in Glorifying Overwork, when leaders are under pressure, they often default to “tightening the screws”—mistaking silence for alignment.

The real work is this: Loosen the grip. Invite discomfort. And co-create culture with the people living it every day.

Truth 2: Silence isn’t safety—it’s self-protection

I once facilitated a staff feedback session in a school where “trust wasn’t a problem.” Surveys were consistently positive, staff didn’t push back in meetings, and the principal felt confident things were running smoothly. Until one question cracked it open: “What would you raise if you knew it wouldn’t come back to you?”

The energy in the room suddenly changed. People spoke of “not feeling safe,” of ideas shot down with sarcasm, of feeling invisible unless there was a problem to fix. One teacher summed it up perfectly: “We’ve all just decided it’s easier to stay quiet.” This is the trust dilemma—what looks like peace is often just protection.

Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety shows that teams aren’t effective because they’re conflict-free—they’re effective because they know conflict won’t be punished (Edmondson, 2019).

In Leadership in Triage, I wrote about how survival-mode leadership makes long-term thinking impossible. But silence does something worse—it creates the illusion that everything is fine.

Leaders who rebuild trust in these spaces don’t start with policies. They start by earning voice again by:

• Protecting dissent
• Acting visibly on feedback
• Creating containers where honesty feels safe

And most importantly, they stop interpreting quiet as a compliment.

Truth 3: Trust is built through presence, not performance

In one school where culture was thriving, I asked staff what had made the biggest difference over the past year. They didn’t mention a strategy and they didn’t point to a framework. They said:

“We see our leaders now.”

“They check in, not to evaluate—but to connect.”

“They show up when nothing’s required of them.”

This is something I also saw in The Myth of the “Natural Leader”: the most powerful shifts often come when leaders stop performing certainty and start modelling presence. Trust isn’t built in the big moments;it’s built in the ones when no one is watching. And it doesn’t require a restructuring. It requires you, being seen in ways that don’t require polish, listening when you don’t need answers, and being human before being professional.

When leaders are under pressure, they often mistake silence for alignment.

Senge (2006) reminds us that systems don’t transform through mandates. They shift when the people inside them change how they show up—again and again. You don’t need to walk every corridor ... but the people in them need to feel that you would.

Rebuilding trust starts with showing up differently

If you’re navigating a culture where trust has eroded—not through drama, but through distance—you’re not failing. You’re just leading in a system built for control. But culture doesn’t grow through compliance—it grows through connection. And connection starts with small, consistent leadership moments:

• The unscripted check-in
• The follow-through after feedback
• The ability to be present without posturing

You don’t have to perform trust. You just have to earn it—one real moment at a time.

Lead with presence, not performance

This is the kind of conversation we’re having inside the Professional Wellness Workshop—a free space I’ve created for school leaders ready to rebuild culture from the inside out.

When you register, I’ll also send you an advance copy of my new book:

Culture of Excellence: The Path to Empowered Teaching, Inspired Learning, and Intentional Leadership

What have you learned about building trust in leadership? What helped—and what hurt?

References

Edmondson, A. C. (2019). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. Wiley.

Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2013). Primal leadership: Unleashing the power of emotional intelligence. Harvard Business Press.

Leithwood, K., Azah, V. N., Harris, T., Slater, C., & Jantzi, D. (2020). Principal leadership and teacher wellbeing: The role of trust, equity, and capacity. Educational Administration Quarterly, 56(5), 746–784. https://doi.org/10.1177/0013161X20952858

Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Burnout: A multidimensional perspective. In R. J. Burke & C. L. Cooper (Eds.), The fulfilling workplace: The organization’s role in achieving individual and organizational health (pp. 77–96). Routledge.

Senge, P. M. (2006). The fifth discipline: The art and practice of the learning organization. Doubleday.